The Resolution

Well, here I am again.

The daily in and out of life becoming slightly less mundane as I focus on my goals and try to fixate on my hope for the future.

In the past 2 weeks I've exercised more consistently, eaten much healthier, tried to remain optimistic about my life and the future- and I'm feeling good.

I've been here before.

I don't know why, but everytime my life seems to be getting on track- when I start feeling good about things, a little green monster in my mind laughs contemptfully and everything shatters. He makes me fixate on the negatives in my life, he tugs on my cerebellum and makes me want to scream. He makes me devour everything in sight and then feel remorseful for doing so. He sees what my goals are, and systematically throws them to the floor.

Not this time.

I'm focused, and the future feels closer than ever. Social work is within reach, finishing up the last touches on my applications and patiently waiting for reference letters to come in. I feel good about myself, accepting my flaws but fixing what I can-

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference"
- Serenity Prayer

So I will work everyday, in a job I hate. I will deny myself foods that I crave. I will force myself to exercise even when I do not want to. I will work on my applications and try my hardest to get accepted to a good school. Because I will...

"Do what I have to do, to do what I want to do"
- The Great Debaters

This is more than a New Year's resolution that fades as the weeks pass, this is my life. This is who I want to be, who I am becoming, who I am. Because I am worth all of the hard work and I owe it to myself to be who I want to be.

Are you everything you promised yourself you would be?