Cogitation

What do I mean by 'Cogitation'? The word immediately appealed to me, as it seems to combine 'cognition' and 'agitation', which is how I often feel in my day-to-day life. Thoughts, memories, general musings- all constantly flooding my mind, screaming and reaching for an outlet. The Merriam-Webster online dictionary defines cogitation as:

"The act of cogitating; meditaion; the capacity to think or reflect"

That is what this blog means to me. An outlet for my reflections and thoughts. In a world that is constantly moving, acting, consuming; I want to slow down and think. And I want to share my thoughts with you. I don't proffer advice, I don't make any promises. They will be random, haphazard, cynical, hopeful, and hopefully, occasionally insightful.

You see, I don't see the world as (I can only assume) most people do. Day-to-day life intrigues me. Why do people do what they do? Why do we accept the world as it is without requiring more from it, for ourselves? We get comfortable, we get lazy. We stop questioning things. I may be naive, or, as I'd rather believe, I'm living with my eyes open. Not always one to think outside the box, I used to (and still sometimes do) buy into the culture that has been imposed on me. Stumbling from school to home to bed, bringing food from plate to mouth, watching a technicolour screen and asking no questions: consuming.

But I graduated from University and something clicked in my mind: I won't let my life pass me by. I've done everything that has been expected of me- graduated high school, went to University in pursuit of a degree, obtained said degree. I've fit the ideal mold for the good Canadian girl from a middle-to-upper class family in Oakville, Ontario. Fulfilling my perfunctory duties, almost always getting A's in school, being the (almost) perfect daughter, sister, friend. These aren't bad things, they are just quite STANDARD. And that is not what I want to be. My soul seeks for more; I need depth in my life.

So I've done some soul-searching this past summer. I've read many memoirs that have opened up my mind, expanded my world, and touched my soul. You can find a list of these memoirs on the side of this page- I will add to it as I read more and more memoirs. I recommend reading any of these memoirs for insight into addictions, psychiatric illness, disorders that often go un-noticed, or plainly, just to read a really good book. I've also recounted difficult memories, forgiven people who in the past have done me wrong, and decided to move on with my life. I don't mean to minimalize this- it was extremely painful and not an easy time for me, but I decided that it was time to fully acknowledge my past, and let certain things go. I've entered this fall with a newfound feeling of levity- I am unencumbered by my past; I refuse to carry it around with me. I've also revisited happy memories, and I've tried to pull meaning into my life by focusing on those pleaseant times from my past.

I'm still on my journey to determine what I want my life to be.

I'm getting closer and closer each day.